We Stand Together

Last week my friend Amanda over at The Declassified Adoptee wrote several posts (here, here, and here) comparing the #OccupyWallStreet movement to that of the Adoption Rights Movement....and while I've been following the protests closely from day one, I realized that I missed it.  I missed the parallels between the thousands of people who have descended on Zuccotti Park and in cities and campuses across the country and myself and the many donor-conceived adults and adoptees across the world.

So here is my stab at it.

We are the 99%.

I am a donor-conceived adult.  Only about 10% of us even know the truth of our conception, the rest will forever be living a lie to themselves and their heirs.  


Our best interests and our lives are forever tied to an unregulated multi-billion dollar industry.  We are threatened by the infertility industry and by society simply because we ask the question "who am I?".  We are brainwashed and lied to by those who should care about us the most.  Our entire lives are comprised of lies, even our birth certificates are fraudulent documents, nowhere mentioning that our biological father is a sperm donor, let alone his name.  


Clinics and doctors are legally able to destroy any and all records pertaining the the creation of us, including the identity and medical history of our biological parent.  Better records are kept of livestock than of us.  We are the most sought after human commodity in modern times, and we are the product of a financial transaction.


Countries and states across the globe are rectifying this century old status quo and stepping up against the infertility industry and demanding changes in anonymity, payment, and the treatment of the adults already conceived through "donated gametes".  Yet America refuses to listen and instead turns a blind eye to the grave injustices being played out on us in compensation for allowing an industry to function solely by its own self-set regulations that are tipped in their favor.


I work very hard but I will never have millions of dollars.  I will never have the political power that comes with this wealth and the ability to sway politicians to my point of view.  I will never have the lobbying power that is attached to the infertility industry.  


All I have is my voice.  I am the 99%.  We are the 99%.


Will you stand with me?

Rhode Island is #7: Unconditional Access to OBCs....and hope for donor conceived offspring??

From Bastardette: Yesterday was a celebratory day for the Adoptees Rights Movement.  Rhode Island became the 7th state to provide unrestricted access to Original Birth Certificates for ALL adoptees born in the state.  S478 Sub AA was signed into law yesterday at noon.  The law will go into effect on July 1, 2012.

However, in the donor conception world equal rights are still decades behind.

With the recent appeals upset by the state in Olivia Pratten's groundbreaking court case in British Columbia, she has another battle to fight to gain rights for donor conceived adults in Canada.  The good news is, since the appeal will go to the Supreme Court of Canada, IF (and only if) she wins, donor anonymity will be removed in not just BC but every province in Canada!!  While the appeal after such a successful win must be devastating to Olivia and her family and her attorneys, if they can convince the SCC of the unconstitutionality of destroying records and denying donor conceived adults from learning the identities of their biological parents, then the ramifications would set in motion a hard precedent for other states and governments to deny.

Here in the good ol' USA, the first tiny baby step in reform is beginning to brew.  On the weekend of Independence Day, there is a tiny glimmer of hope, that human rights, children's rights, Americans' rights will prevail over greedy corporations and money.

The Governor of the state of Washington recently signed into law the Uniform Parentage Act that, effective July 22, 2011, demands that anyone who provides sperm or eggs to a fertility clinic must also provide identifying information and a medical history, and that children born from these donated gametes can return to the fertility clinic at age 18 to request this identifying information and medical history.

However, as is the case in many adoptee OBC bills that spring up across the country, there's a catch.

A veto.

Unfortunately Washington was too scared of the potential loss of donors, so they added a cop-out.  Donors can file a disclosure veto that prevents the clinic from revealing identifying information (not medical history) to their biological children.

While I am saddened by the apparent cowardice in giving donor conceived offspring actual human rights against the threats and interests of the infertility industry and the ASRM, this is definitely a step in the right direction.

I hope in the future there will be as many vocal  donor conceived adults as adult adoptees, and legislation like this will be discussed and voted upon in many states, and that compromises like disclosure vetos will be fought against.

But in the meantime, baby steps, we're taking baby steps here.

Kiss Me, I [could be] Irish!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!  After serious severe weather this winter, and torrential rains and river/lowland flooding the past couple weeks, I was so happy to wake up this morning to beautiful blue skies, sunshine, and what is expected to be 65 degree temperatures!!  Based on the large Irish population here in Northeast Ohio, I might just say this welcomed weather is thanks to the luck of the Irish!

However, St. Patrick's Day tends to hold a sentiment that differs from the usual green beer and corned beef for those conceived from anonymous donors (especially those from the by-gone era of secrecy  and no records).  For most of us, we are deeply interested in the ethnic makeup of our biological father, and therefore half the ethnic makeup of ourselves.

Earlier this week I was talking to Stephanie Blessing on the phone about the newfound knowledge that her biological father was/is Jewish.  For adult offspring like Stephanie, who have absolutely no information, this tiny bit of knowledge gives her not only hope in learning more about him, but also a small sense of self that previously was unknown.

Often donor-conceived adults and adoptees are questioned and wonder about about what ethnic group they supposedly resemble.  It becomes a sort of game, matching personal characteristics with those characteristics that are stereotypically associated with certain ethnic/racial groups, and therefore trying to identify some bit of knowledge about our own identity.

Growing up I often wondered what ethnicity my biological father was, and eventually concluded it was most likely that he was of Anglo-Saxon descent since I still had light colored eyes and my complexion was somewhat fairer than my mother's dark Armenian complexion, and most of all I have LOTS of freckles (and no one else in my family has freckles).  The freckles and the hints of red in my dark hair always made me wonder if my father was Irish.  So I used to joke that I might be Irish so I might as well celebrate St. Patty's Day in full force (mostly in college.......).

Now, when I finally learned my donor number in 2008 and subsequently received minimal information about my biological father, I learned that my hunch that he was Anglo-Saxon was confirmed.  His mother was English or of English descent.  However, there was no ethnic group assigned to his father.  So, I will still stand by my stance on March 17th, "Kiss me, I [could be] Irish!!"

The "Oprah Effect"

So I know this is extremely late in posting, but nonetheless, it's something I wanted to touch upon, among other things that I will hopefully get to in the near future.

Oprah's reunion

Oprah Winfrey, in her final season of her show, has sought to blow to socks of viewers in more ways than one.  Whether it's a trip to Australia, shocking interviews or guests, or breaking personal news, Oprah really is going out with a bang.  Her latest explosive episode was the well-anticipated "family secret" that she was bringing to light for her millions of viewers.  Now, this of course is not the first time that the talk show queen has revealed some pretty intense personal information on her show.  However, it seems to be the first time that she has ever been seriously touched by kinship separation and reunion.

I say this because several years ago a good friend of mine, Kathleen LaBounty was featured on an Oprah episode that dealt with donor conception.  Kathleen, along side Wendy and Ryan Kramer, and several others in the DC industry were discussing reunions, and primarily the "heroic" efforts of the DSR to find siblings for every donor conceived offspring in the world!  [Note sarcasm here.]  With such happiness, who could disagree that donor conception is wonderful?!?!

Apparently Kathleen could.  But was quickly hushed, because no one wants to hear something sad when the show's all about sunshine and rainbows!!  Now Kathleen has not been the first person who has gone on Oprah's show to learn that Oprah herself was very pro-adoption/donor conception and has absolutely no tolerance for individuals who believe it is their right to know their biological kin.  Oprah seems to be in the same camp as many recipient moms who see such opinions as being ungrateful whining brats, and feels no qualms with telling her guests that off-stage!

So lets talk about the so-called "Oprah Effect".  It's well documented in pop culture that Oprah has the Midas touch.  Literally.  Everyone/everything she endorses seems to succeed.  She has made numerous other talk show hosts famous (i.e. Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz.....just to name a few) because they started out as regulars on her show.  Clothing, makeup and hair products, even fitness guru's.  It seems to me it must be the goal of any fledgling entrepreneur to want to grab the attention of Oprah to thrive.  She has her own book club, that is probably more respected than the NYT Bestseller List.  It seems any book Oprah uses for her book club becomes an instant sensation -- even books that were previously deemed dusty classics meant to torture high schoolers around the country, like Steinbeck's East of Eden, received a revival of Biblical proportions!

Oprah and her half-sister Patricia

But back to Oprah's brush with adoption.  Oprah discovered, some time ago apparently (and the episode aired conveniently during the time shortly before daytime "sweeps"), that her mother had had a baby girl that she had given up for adoption.  Patricia discovered that it was possible that her birth mother was Oprah's mom, and set out to carefully try to bring the situation to light for Oprah and her family.  I commend her for being so honest and careful at these attempts, because while many of us (adoptees and DC offspring) may dream that our missing biological parent(s) are famous, the majority of us do not discover that our missing family really are celebrities!  I believe the contact between Oprah and Patricia must have initially been made some many months ago, but the on-air reunion was incredible.  First off, the similarities between the two women were obvious.  But what amazed me more than anything was how Oprah, the most powerful and richest woman in the world, opened her heart to her new-found half-sister.

The fact that Oprah explicitly stated how happy she was to have learned of her half-sister and to have reconnected with her gave me at least a small bit of hope that perhaps this experience changed her opinion on the needs and desires of adoptees and donor-conceived adults to seek out their kin.  Obviously the powerful emotions connected to these reunions justifies the importance of these relationships and proves that knowing ones family is a step towards knowing oneself.

If Oprah has indeed changed her opinions on adoption and donor conception and their subsequent needs to find their biological family, I would hope that she would entertain in the future more open discussion about this topic as well as some of the more corrupt sides of these industries with the help of her new half-sister.  And if her golden touch on everything else perpetuates onto a newfound understanding of the deep desires that adoptees and donor conceived adults feel, she may be able to help us change the collective mind of America and abroad to one that is more sympathetic toward the losses associated with adoption and donor conception, which should be considered if not paramount at least as important as the losses associated with infertility.

AnonymousUS Project

Introduction from Anonymous Us on Vimeo.


ABOUT:
The Anonymous Us Project is a safety zone for real and honest opinions about reproductive technologies and family fragmentation. We aim to share the experiences of voluntary and involuntary participants in these technologies, while preserving the dignity and privacy for story-tellers and their loved ones.

The idea was inspired by PostSecret.com, a Maryland based art project that allows anyone, anywhere to create a postcard with a secret written on it, and mail it in anonymously for publication. Members of the donor community have some serious stories and opinions regarding their family structure that they'd like to add to the discussion, but feel they cannot because of shame and a need for privacy. This project gives them an opportunity to be heard without having to reveal their identity and potentially hurt their loved ones. And it kind of turns the concept of anonymity inside out.

We hope that The Anonymous Us Project will fill out the conversation on reproductive technologies.

We hope it will inspire more truth and transparency.

We hope it will help shape healthier families and happier people.



********************

Open letter from creator, Alana Stewart:
Dear Donor-Conceived Persons, Adoptees, Donors, Parents, and Fertility Industry Professionals,

I am writing to tell you about and seek your participation in a story collective endeavor called "The Anonymous Us Project". This is an opportunity for everyone involved in reproductive technologies to tell the world what they really think about donor conception: the good, the bad, and the ugly – all in the atmosphere of, you guessed it, anonymity.

I, Alana Stewart, Founder of The Anonymous Us Project and self-proclaimed Donor Kid, viscerally understand the potential conflict of vocalizing relevant truths concerning donor conception. There are loved ones we risk offending, family well-being we risk upsetting and maybe livelihoods we risk sabotaging if the whole truth were to be told concerning donor conception and parent-child separation. The Anonymous Us Project wishes for all parties the opportunity to tell their stories without fear.

In the upcoming weeks we need to collect stories and build content in preparation for press outreach and the launch of AnonymousUs.org [NOTE: This is the *future* website that will be launched in a few weeks....not the project to submit stories to]. Our website is still being built, but the submit form is ready to go. You do not have to – and in fact you cannot – provide your name when you submit your story. When you're done writing and have successfully submitted your story, you will receive a confirmation number you may use to contact us about your story and remove the story should you wish to. We are looking for submissions of 750 words or less. Please feel free to write anything you'd like relating to donor conception, surrogacy and adoption. Feel free to make multiple submissions on relevant, but different ideas. Stories will be selected to be read aloud on the Anonymous Us podcast, which anyone will be able to subscribe to for free through iTunes or an RSS feed.


Send us your essays and thoughts:

Submit a Story


Help us grow this project.

We can't judge the health of these practices without understanding the journey of the affected.

Thank you everyone for your involvement and contributions.